Bill Maher has made my shitlist. I never really liked the guy. His sense of humor is about as dry as that geeky kid who sat in front of you in high school math class that tried his 'topical' humor out on you. His show is about as edgy as Cher live in concert, and he seems to be making a career out of spouting off as many "so-last-week" one-liners against the right wing as can be crammed into whatever spigot of exposure the man can muster in a given week. There are some seriously witty left wing peeps out there. Bill Maher ain't one of 'em. Put this guy in the same room as Jello Biafra or Henry Rollins for a half hour and you'd probably open the door to find Jello and Henry laughing their asses off while Bill sits in the corner in a fetal position sucking his thumb. Of course, that's the sort of thing that happens when you put two scamps who got their starts fronting bands called THE DEAD KENNEDYs and BLACK FLAG against a guy who got his start in a movie with Gene Simmons Wife called Cannibal Women in the Green Avacado Jungle of Death. Dorkussayswhat?
I've long since come to the conclusion that the secret to being a successful talking head on either side of the fence is to figure out how out-there and unrealistic you can make yourself appear to be, and eventually, there will be money at the end of the path. Ann Coulter is the same way (these two assclowns used to date too if you can believe that). I would wager even though neither of these people have an iota of the education John Shelby Spong, who actually has a genuine liberal message, they sell 10x as many books. I think this is largely due to the fact that America has been so bombarded with dribble and nonsense that they've reduced to levels of apathy where they actually _prefer_ talking heads like Bill Maher over seeking out messages from people that actually have something to say. This same argument is how I explain why more people watch professional wrestling in America than soccer.
So fast forward to last night. Bill Maher was on Jay Leno. So was Floyd Landis (and Stone Sour was the musical guest, which is why I was watching Leno in the first place). Bill came out and said the same little one-liners he's said about George Bush he's been saying for 2 years now (picking on the president the way Bill Maher does is like picking on a retarded kid...you'd think he'd try to say something fresh since its, well, not that hard).
Enter Floyd. Mr. Landis, for those of you who don't know, won the Tour De France this year. However, it was revealed two days later that he had abnormally high levels of testoserone in his drug test. Furthermore, they re-tested him (well actually, they retested the sample) and once again, he failed the test. So obviously its looking like the odds are he's done some doping. There's a lot of points on both side of the fence, but basically, Floyd is out doing the rounds in the media to explain his point of view. Leno was pretty nuetral. Floyd didn't really say anything that made me lean one way or the other. Bill sat there quietly the whole time, but started mumbling every so often. Perhaps its because I empathize with Floyd because I can imagine how much negative press he's probably getting bombarded with. To his credit, the guy managed to keep a positive vibe about himself the whole show. Perhaps its because I just got done riding a bike across a state with 30,000 other riders who most definitely give a shit about cycling. But when Bill Maher cut Floyd off mid sentence and blurted out:
"WHY ARE WE SPENDING SO MUCH TIME TALKING ABOUT A SPORT NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT?!!"
I wanted to punch that asshole in his arrogant little pussy. Bill then went on this rant about how cycling is the most boring event ever (cos you know, Politically Incorrect is so goddamned action-packed). He's lucky I didn't win the tour de france, fail two piss tests and end up on Leno because I probably would have. Floyd had a look of disbelief on his face, the audience made some sort of gasp noise and even Jay told Bill that wasn't cool. Then they proceeded to make a bunch of jokes about how Bill has never passed a drug test in his life.
Seriously who the fuck is Bill impressing with shit like that? First of all, that absolutely is untrue, cycling is huge. Globally, its the 3rd most watched sport in the world behind Formula racing and soccer. Secondly, who the fuck is Bill Maher to step on Floyd's dick while he's out talking about something far more current (cos it took place last week, not two months ago) than Bill ever has.
Bill Maher is just as big an attention whore as every pundit on the right, and he almost annoys me even more because he thinks he's funny. At least on the right, those pundits are funny because they think they are serious. Maher just plain annoys me. Witness this zinger from last night:
"You know the sad thing about Terry Schiavo is that after the plug was pulled, another brain dead woman actually gave birth. I was stunned. About the only thing I could say was 'congratulations Britney'"
He then put his hand up to his mouth and sort of ducked his head, as if he had just said something way more edgy and offensive than anything the general public had heard lately. If by general public, he means Bob Hope, Bing Crosby and other people who haven't been alive for the past two years, I would say he might be onto something.
Congrats Bill, I don't even have a video for you, but you officially have earned the Dave McAnally 'Fucktard of the Week' award.
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