Thought Sausage

Welp, the polsters were wrong. Turns out Catherine Harris won in Florida. Now granted I've never paid much attention to preliminary polls (last I checked the only poll that really matters is the election), but, well shit.

Allz I gotta say to Floridans is to be careful what ya wish for because ya just might get it.

Or maybe not...who knows. Fuck I'm only the messenger. Once again your hero is perched on the 17th floor of the W Hotel in San Francisco. On TV is James Woods talking balls about Iowa. On my ipod is Metallica in Osaka about 3 weeks ago and the volume is straight up DIMED. This is the show where they played "New Song #2" which basically sounds like "Misfits song #300". Originality...who needs it when you sold 10 sextillion records?

Any why the hell not? I mean, hey, once you write Damage Inc, aren't you kind of entitled to like, watch while the rest of the world fights over 2nd place? Hell I would be. Then again I wrote songs about how other songs suck and how my ex girlfriend is a cunt. Lovely career really. This is one of those shows where they played Master of Puppets in its entirety. And they really do it. They don't puss out in the middle of Battery like they've been doing since the Justice tour. Its almost enough to tempt me to see 'em again if it werent' for the fact that I saw 'em before they got old and fat. Like 10+ years ago. Man I'm getting old.

Why I am I here? To get edumacated of course. This time your hero is learning how to speak in front of large groups of important handsome people. They brought in familia to do it too. This specimen of the clan happens to be my uncle who actually 'knows his shit' (tm). Dood basically showed GM what the fuck is up and spends his days galavanting about the country in a car (Chevy Natch) showing various GM entities how not to suck. He'd be a lot better served in the vehicle design dept, but hey what do I know? GM take note: designing vehicles that look like cookie cutters from xmas = NOT COOL. Ford= keep up the good work with the Mustang (but stop making those gaytarded new colors...wtfbbq kids? MUSCLE MAN MUSCLE!!).

In other news...your president and mine is still busy making sure late night talk show hosts have shit to talk about on this rather important today. In his speech, he warned us of the 'shit every american knows and is tired of hearing about'. In case you didn't get the memo- Terror is bad. And terrorism comes from terrorists. Ask the adminstration, they'll tell you. Their solution for ending terrorism is "to take the fight to them" and "eliminate the threat of terror here at home". What does this have to do with things real people deal with? Oh absolutely nothing. But one time I saw Bush give a speech. It was in Anapolis Maryland (way on the other side of the country) and he basically gave the same speech he did today...although instead of the general public, that speech was in front of commissioned officers and their families. there's only one other person I know who can say/do the same shit year after year and still be 'popular'. That guy's name is BB King. And the fate of the free world doesn't rest in BB's hands (god help us if it does). Bush did mix shit up by adding a new one. Apparently now the war in Iraq is about preserving "civilization as we know it". Is it me or is the missions of the administration sounding less and less like a presidency and more and more like the Justice League of America? . HINT = My halloween costume stars in that pic. And not it ain't Superman or Wonderwoman. Green Lantern?

You know what pisses me off more than republicans? DEMOCRATS. You people are like that asshole in high school that the super HAWT chick always wanted to get with but you were too fucking stupid to get your swerve on. Your version of "swerve" was an awkward pass that looked about as insincere as Shakira live in concert and I'm talking about your 2004 nomination for president. I mean fuck. There's "taking a shot" and "taking a FUCKING shot". Please try not to fuck it up in 2008 with that sideshow Hillary bullshit. You've got plenty of worthy people in your lot. Make this happen. Don't even make me throw the switch for McCain cos I'll do it! Democrats...picture me (the disenfrancished independant voter) as the hot chick in high school who harbors this crush on you, but is getting pestured by the captain of the football team and his dorky airhead friends to go to the prom with him. If you don't make a move and make it fast, I'm gonna be sleepin with the douchebag. All the points are in your corner man! This guy is the guy that all my girlfriends dislike (just like bush and the polls). It ain't like its that hard! Just don't be an awkward geek. Y'all better throw down some Grease Lightning shit on me!

Orion just came on...even though metallica is old, fat and rather ridiculous looking now, those boys can drop some serious science on the youth when the spirit moves 'em.

I ran 16 miles this weekend on Saturday. It wasn't near as hard as I figured it'd be (although Natalia could tell ya about some problems I had. Suffice to say, they make bodyglide for a reason). The good news about this run is that it convinced me of two things. A. I can run a fucking marathon and live to fight/drink that same day and B. I run way to fucking slow. I knew point B from the triathlon. This winter, I plan on fixing that. It'll involve video cameras and coaching trust me. But next year, I'm beating the guy who had no legs godjafuckindammit!

I've actually been planning this for awhile, but basically...your hero ain't gonna stop in Honolulu. I've pretty much come to the conclusion that, well, that's great I'll be able to say I ran a marathon in Hawaii, but well, fuck that just ain't good enough. Why? I suppose because there are 6 other continents to run on. So, on the docket for 2007 is either Dublin or Florence (depending on where the AIDS group go). I'm not sure about 2008 yet because 2009 is still up in the air. If all goes according to plan, your hero will be running a marathon in Antarctica on his 30th birthday. It's not as impossible as it sounds. sure its cold as shit and the wind is about 80 mph, but well, fuck, it ain't about how hard you can hit, its about how hard you can get hit.

More details as they emerge. So far, Antarctica is looking pretty realistic. Dublin is in the bag. Florence could happen depending on what the AIDS people want to do. Naturally between now and then I'll be doing many a triathlon and shorter runs.

I believe Maddox waxed poetic about "xtreme" marketing in America. Basically the concept is that you take something like Gatorade, add the term "Xtreme" in front of it, and all of a sudden some new amazing ground breaking product is afoot.

Lots of people will say America has gotten a tad insane in the way they choose products to purchase over the years. But one unavoidable fact in today's world of commerce is that an "Extreme Tickle Me Elmo" is pure unadulterated class one grade A BULLSHIT:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14904938/

Amongst the marketing-speak in there, which really tells you nothing about the product itself, we learn that the "technology" behind a doll that slaps its knee and rolls around laughing maniacally is very advanced. Advanced compared to what? I don't know. But this guy's (who I assume is an adult) insight on the "extreme tickle me elmo" is well, see for yourself:

"“With today’s technology, this one is even more incredible,” Friedman said. “You really have to see it to believe it.”"

Okay, I never got the memo where we all decided Tickle Me Elmo was "incredible" in the first place. From the way that reads, if you didn't know the context, you'd think this guy is talking about a plasma TV or some new highly advanced blow up doll. But what makes it more "incredible"? According to the article:

"He’s still red, fuzzy and really ticklish, but now Elmo’s laughing fits have him slapping his knee, falling to the floor, rolling over and pounding his arm."

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmk

Now I'm not going to begrudge Mattel for selling products. But there's marketing a product and there's out and out bullshit. T.M.X. (Tickle Me Extreme) Elmo falls squarely into the latter.

And that ain't no lie. Once again your hero is in San Francisco. But not in my normal digs. This time 'the man (or woman as the case is) stuffed me away in an airport hotel. So I'm in South San Francisco (aka nothing-to-do-land) sitting in the Hilton Garden Inn & Suites in a Savannah-esque room (flower pattern comforters? CHECK). Insofar, my mark for this hotel is far on the ass end of the bell curve. First off, they fucked up my booking. Sure they can "reserve" a room via an American Express. But can they actually book the fucking thing? Well not according to Sir-Arthur-Concierge (aka Jorge the 3rd shift attendant). So once again, I'm forced to pay for my shit with my personal bling (bling that I have marked for using to grant a full pardon from the city of Chicago for my car). This has happened to me thrice this year and all three times were in Hilton hotels (one in NYC one in Boston and now one here). WTF? Believe you me, I'm writing a letter of complaint to Paris as soon as I post this. STOP BOOZING BEHIND THE WHEEL AND START ACCEPTING MY FUCKING COMPANY CARD!

Thanks to being out by the airport, I've wracked up 130 bucks in cab fares in two days. I'd expect to put that much away in New York City, but san fran just ain't that cruel.

Furthermore, the bar here closes at 9 (nine?!!). What the hell is that? I arrived here @ 7:30, went through the rigamarole with Jorge and then bellied up to the bar for a much needed Sierra only to get three into them to be told "we are closing at 9". Luckily, I met a pal...his name is JC and he is here from Washington DC managing a project for a big pharmeceutical company. JC informed that the Embassy Suites down the street was open until midnight, so we oozed down to that bar and drank their booze and hung out with their patrons (typical embassy suites crowd...couples in their 50's having "cocktails" who are completely flabbergasted that some of us are actually not here on vacation). Turns out JC used to own a 68 Mustang...so needless to say we closed down that bar waxing poetic on our various affections for muscle cars. Dad would be proud!

JC was a transient type. From what I gather, he's never really in one place for more than a week or so at a time (kind of like me, but if I'm not in Chicago, odds are I'm in San Francisco, so I'm not too hard to find). Transients amuse me in bars because conversation no doubt eventually steers to them delivering a pre-meditated sermon on what they believe is the best way to "handle women". It is difficult for these sorts of people to sustain any real meaningful relationships (understandably so). So their various ways of engineering situations that result in them getting a piece of ass are inventive to say the least. JC seems to stake out whatever convention is in town and follow that crowd to whatever happenin' hotel they meandaur to. Apparently, tomorrow there is a big 'thing' going on @ Embassy so JC is preparing himself for a vixen vaccuming affair of biblical proportions. Go get 'em JC!!

Purpose for this trip? Well we had to present an audit to a client today...and boy howdy did your hero kick some tail. This one was definitely one for the books. I love walking out of those things with follow-up emails already in my box by the time I get back to the office. I think there's a good book of business to come from this one.

Going forward? Well an audit for a reccomendation from the board. Unfortunately, it looks like I'll be coming back to san fran to present that one too.

On the docket? Well when I get back to Chicago, I'm celebrating with Horowitz (what? not too sure, but far be it from me to stop a party). Sunday I'm hauling my ass 12 miles or so for a half marathon. Then I'm off to Iowa for the week to hang with the bro.