Oh, don't kid yourself I know this is a form response. But "Russ" emailed me in response to what I sent the other day (back when it was preposterously cold and Cunty McFuckstain's armband was testing my sanity).
-----Original Message-----
From: Nike+ [mailto:nikeplus@custhelp.com]
Sent: Wednesday, January 17, 2007 3:48 PM
To: Dave McAnally
Subject: Armband [Incident: 070116-000024]
Dear Dave,
Thanks for contacting Nike regarding the Nike+ Sport Armband.
We always welcome feedback from consumers and appreciate that you took the time to contact us. Nike's heritage is based on technically designed athletic products to enhance performance. It is through input from consumers like yourself that we are able to improve our products.
Your feedback has been passed on to the proper departments. We appreciate your support of Nike.
Once again, thanks for contacting Nike. Let me know if you have further questions.
Sincerely,
Russ
Nike+
P.S. You should see the new Nike+ Ready products at Nikeplus.com.
Now, naturally, I have to respond. Of course, I figure if they are going to be sending this goofy shit out, I may as well get creative and see if by chance this becomes my big break into showbiz. The following is my response:
Russ,
Thank you for the response. Hopefully my thoughts are considered when Cunty McFuckstain engineers a new Nike+ Armband. I searched through the Nike+ Products page after my browser loaded the huge flash movie supplying said products. Unfortunately, while sifting through the site, I saw the only available armband is still the one I have. For the record, I am talking about the Nike+ Sport Armband Style# AC1126 Color# 088. While the colors are appealing (I was at my local running store today and noticed you also produce a matching shirt....nice), and I do appreciate the "Nike Pro Compression" fabric, it still does not solve my original problem of preventing me from performing some vital functions on the ipod (for the record, it was only 17 degrees today). Please tell Cunty that while I think the armband solves a lot of problems in style with that Black/Atom Red getup, it still leaves me hanging.
Since I have your attention Russ, and maybe you aren't the guy to talk to about this, but I've been thinking about this for awhile, and I'd like to share with you my idea for a reality based game show centered around the Nike+ System.
The show would take place on prime time television, preferrably on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 7pm on a network of your choice. 12 contestants would be chosen at random from their ID's on the Nike+ website. Any contestant who refuses to participate will be automatically locked out of the Nike+ website and the serial number associated with their ipod will no longer communicate back to Nike. This is to make people who aren't hip to the whole program continue to buy unnecessary products.
Anyhow, the contestants are then required to create playlists and run together for the duration of the show (6-7 weeks). The 12 contestants all write down what their favorite type of spaghetti is on a piece of paper and put it in a secret ballot box. The dozen are then divided into 3 teams, who become running groups. At the beginning of each show, they swap ipods and must listen to each others nano, swapping every 20 minutes. While they go out and do a 6 mile run, a panel of judges, comprising of b-list celebrities mocks and degrades the runners for their poor running style. I should also mention that it none of the judges should have any running knowledge or expertise whatsoever. Basically, I'm thinking Mini-Me, Ron Jeremy, Rosie O'Donnell and Louie Anderson would make a suitable panel. After the run, the teams must then vote off whoever had the most unpleasant and annoying music for their running playlist. The groups continue to go head to head until at the end, the home audience calls in and decides who has the best playlist of the last two runners. I should also mention this all would take place on some exotic island out in the middle of the carribean. At the end of the run, the winner is then presented with their favorite type of spaghetti that they submitted at the beginning of the season.
Let me know if you have any questions, but I think this would be a great way to help promote the Nike + brand and also give one lucky contestant a chance to have some spaghetti.