Alright no more Mr. Nice Guy. Like a good (or insane?) soldier, I officially started my Hal Higdon marathon schedule today at 6:00am (for some reason, I woke up at 5:30 and decided rather than sit around and think about why I think punk scenes are 10x cooler in smaller markets than big cities, I'd get down to business). Put away a brisk 3 miles (although it bears mentioning the thermometer by the bank I ran by says it was 22 degrees, which is about on par with the temp I should expect for the 2009 Antarctica run) @ an 8:14 mile average. I've been dealing with this ever since I bought the Nike + Ipod setup, but it finally hit the fan for me today. That motherfucking armband is a platter of bullshit. I am sick to death of that bitch chiming in during my run to congratulate me on finishing my workout, only to have to sit there, fumble with the fucking band (in 22 degree weather) pull the nano out of its sleeve and scroll down to the bottom, have it ask me if I "Really want to end my workout" (no, I just thought after you announced that I was done, I'd stop to play with the super cool "scroll wheel), and finally get it to SHUT THE HELL UP. This may sound trivial to you, but I have to go through this stupid little dance EVERY SINGLE TIME. Well that's allz I can stands, and I can't stands no more. The following email was sent to the customer support following my run:
From: Dave McAnally
Sent: Tuesday, January 16, 2007 5:08 AM
To: 'nikeplus@nike.com'
Subject: Armband
Aight, so it's like this...
The only armband that fits the little chip that goes into the bottom of the ipod for the Nike+ thing also happens to be devoid of a window which lets the user see what the hell the ipod is doing. While I'm sure various designers/engineers have invented millions of reasons as to why the modern runner can live without such a feature for the sake of "looking cute", I for one cannot. For you see, the current system requires you "to push the menu button to end the workout" (according to the woman's voice that dictates everything while I run), however when the menu button is pushed, the ipod reverts to a sub menu which then requires the user to scroll to the bottom of the menu to effectively end the workout. While I'm sure your ideal user is somebody running along some beautiful beachfront in 70 degree weather listening to bubblegum pop, I happen to be in downtown Chicago in 20 degree weather with gloves and an ipod named Butkus that is only capable of belching out music so loud and fierce it would kill your grandmother. Therefore, the chick's voice (and Lance on the occassions I "run my farthest") are obscenely loud, and usually, at my clip, when I wanna be done, I wanna be done. Please consult with your lead armband designer (or Cunty McFuckstain as I came to call him after this morning's run) to make "armband 2.0" or whatever cute name you have for it replete with a clear plastic window so I don't have to perform this same fucking dance after every fucking run (which includes a most unflattering display of quick glove removal and 'nano-dangling-by-the-cord').
Dave