Thought Sausage

No don't read the story...just admit that is the best headline ever

Jesus loves all racial stereotypes!

I can see having a Spokeasy Twitter page is going to bring some of the crazies outta the woodwork. I had to post this, and even though non-riders may not fully appreciate the fuckard-nature here, riders will find this utterly awe-inspiring.

Ladies and gents, meet John the Freemason cyclist from western bumfuck Iowa. John rode Ragbrai 5 times. John has very strong opinions of Ragbrai and the stresses it seems to put on his harmony joyridin', recumbant-havin' lifestyle. All of which he detailed in a massive Tome on his 'bicycling blog'. You see John wants you to be informed of how stressful Ragbrai can be for experienced cyclists. Among the highlights that seem to have put a pain on John's pussy over the years:

-Got a bug in his eye for a stretch...oh noz!!

-Had to borrow money in 1998 because he hadn't yet obtained an ATM card (!!!!???!!!!)

-Slept at the town center one night and the fireworks show kept him from "getting the requisite 7 hours of sleep needed in order to cycle the next day"

-2 days into the ride...the separation anxiety from his wife (who was 50 miles away) and the stress of 'hiding his emotions from other riders'

-A gut ache once

John, since you are going to inevitably read this when you troll your logs or Google yourself to see if any Christ punchers mentioned you or the freemasons or recumbants I won't bother commenting on your blog (not that I could possibly meet the stringent requirements for doing so anyway, as per your rules at the bottom). While I would never begrudge anybody for venturing to ride more...you should probably know that one major requirement for a multi-day ride like Ragbrai is that you can't be what the natives call "a pussy". Pussies are like porn. You can't define it but you know it when you see it. And you sir, well...you see where I'm going with this. Let me enlighten you to the real stresses that occur with real riders (also note our team has grown year over year):

-Carpal Tunnel

-Blown knee (twice)

-Broken Rim

-Stolen bike

-a Bus broken down on the middle of the highway with 20-40 people stranded (one year ours, one year another teams)

-lost/missing team members (for a whole three days...like more than you have ever been away from your wife)

-dudes getting killed in front of your bus

-tornados (Pro Tip: Tornados and sirens are louder than fireworks)

-brakes going out on a bus while careening down into Guttenberg

-severe dehydration resulting in emergency room trips

-2nd and 3rd degree sunburns

...well it like...goes on and on.

John I can't speak to whatever hippie dippie peaceful joyride trip you are on, but I can speak to the fact that if your stress threshold can't handle any of the above, you really should consider a nice elementary school ice cream social or amish getaway for your 2009 summer adventure before you make yet another idiotic representation of yourself and Ragbrai.

I have no comment....just...um...wow

Man things are WEIRD around here. Harry Carey apparently was a shitty hurdy gurdy player towards the end of his life.

Their furniture is perfect for a black person, or a white person!